Dear Sir or Madam:
Ian here. We got your postcard with those monkeys that have dicks on their faces. What a bunch of dickfaces. I feel kind of sorry for them, but only kind of.
I'm writing to let you know that, when my parents were in town last week, while the degenerates were at the Pour House, we went out to dinner at a fancy restaurant in midtown with a retired Polk County judge. Also there was a recent graduate of Lakeland High School who was name-dropping about people he knew from American Idol. Anyway, at the next table over was none other than Antonio Banderas. He was sitting by the window wearing a bright orange shirt. And no, he wasn't with Melanie, but he was with a blonde woman who looked kind of like Melanie Griffith, except younger and with slightly less plastic surgery. Antonio stood outside letting people take pictures of him for a long time. When we left, he was still out there. None of us talked to him, except my Dad, who said, Hola senior! (no joke).
Good night, and good luck.
